Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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