I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
