Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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