This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
