i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
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