still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
