i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
