the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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