8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
