your parents love me but you hate me
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
