He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
