You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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