Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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