Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
