I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
