If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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