Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
