girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
