just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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