Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
