I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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