I cannot find my penis.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
