I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
