I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
