I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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