remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
