I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Randomize
