we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
