Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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