remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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