haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
