you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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