new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
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