Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
