And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
