i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
