3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I would fuck him just for his dog
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
