last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
