i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
