You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
