I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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