I feel like abortions should bother me more
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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