hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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