whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
