clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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