Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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