No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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