Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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