Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
