If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
