apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
