I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
how does that bad decision feel?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
