That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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