So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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