he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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