So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
