i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
COCAINE IS GR8
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
